You know you are potty training when...

...your normal life ends and a bizarre one begins which revolves around body functions and potty chairs.

...your child's normal life is also archived.  She is now living hers on the potty.

...your newest, latest home improvement is a potty chair in the kitchen.

...you can recognize a duck-like waddle from a block away.

...your toddler can't walk into another room or onto carpet without you panicking and asking if she has to go potty.

...you treat any drop of water on the floor like hazmat just in case it actually is.

....your most spoken words for the week are "Do you need to go potty?"  And you know instinctively that her response will be, "No, not now."  And she's right, of course.  What she really meant was she would have to go one minute from now and it would be done on a carpeted area.

...she stands up for you to check the potty for any kind of success and you find a button and a pencil but (fortunately) nothing you were looking for.

...a tired mother's rationale sets in on day two when things aren't as advanced as you hoped: "You know, she looks pretty little sitting there.  Maybe I should wait until she's older to do this.  After all, we are going on a trip in six months and I'd hate to travel with a baby 'newly' potty-trained!"

...you coax more liquids into her little water-logged belly in a morning than she drinks in an average two day period.

...two hours after you finally get all that liquid into her, you end up washing half of it off your kitchen floor and cheering wildly when the other half is deposited in the potty.

...after handing out a single, miniature MnM to reward even the smallest of successes, you realize your dentist is probably sitting in an executive office right now, researching island escape options. Brilliance finally dawns and tactics change.  Craisins sound good, Sweetie?

...you subject your family to texts like this one: "She woke up dry at 8:30 and went like crazy in the potty!! :) Mommy is ecstatic!"

...your toddler learns that potties are mobile if you scooch them just right.  Our little lady inched her potty half way across the kitchen floor so she could get the toy she wanted.  But don't worry.  She and her unusual transportation motored back to their starting point when she had what she was looking for.  And she never stood up once.

Little Charmer

...evening finds you holding yourself at arms' length and threatening to shower in Pine-Sol saying, "I've emptied so many potties, wiped so many little behinds, cleaned up so many puddles, and taken care of so many spooky undies that I feel contaminated."

...a day is considered a success if, at its close, there are more clean undies than wet ones piled in the laundry room.